CHRISTMAS IN-LAW INVASION

There is a reason why National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is one of man’s all-time favourite holiday movies.  Everyone can relate in some way or another to Clark Griswold’s world when his extended family invades for Christmas.  From the moment the doorbell rings the invasion of in-laws can turn a normal, relatively quiet household into complete chaos.  There are many strange things that can happen when you double, or even triple the number of people sleeping under the same roof.  Even if it’s just for a couple of nights.  Sometimes the politics and inter-family dynamics are harder to navigate than anything you might find at work.  For instance, who gets to sleep on the air mattress (that somehow always manages to deflate by the morning) in the unfinished basement, right next to the cat litter?  Do you risk having all the cousins sleep in the same room, even though you know they aren’t going to fall asleep anytime before 11pm?  Where do you put the aunt, or uncle who snores so loudly you’d swear you lived right over Union Station?  An argument could be made that there is more strategy involved in successfully figuring out the proper sleeping arrangements of everyone in the family than trying to stop Adrian Peterson on any given Sunday.  It’s also interesting to find out which family members are prepared to help out and lend a hand amidst all the chaos, and those who think they are spending a couple nights at the Four Seasons and expect to be waited on hand and foot.  If you spot Uncle ‘Bob’ giving L’il ‘Johnny’ one of those new $20 bills with the instructions to, “Never let my glass get empty”, than you know whose ‘cheeks’ will most likely be planted in your favourite chair for the whole visit.  I’m not sure how it is in your house, but in mine, Christmas dinner with the whole family is one of the most beautifully choreographed events of the year.  My wife plans and prepares the Christmas feast with the same sort of tact and military precision as General MacArthur must have when he promised to retake the Philippines.  Every dish is always ready at exactly the right moment, and heaven help the poor soul who has one too many rum and eggnogs and inadvertently disrupts or slows down this masterful display of mouth-watering greatness.  Of course, by far the most important part of the entire meal is when I get to carve (although some might say it’s more accurately described as hacking) the turkey.  There’s just something about putting a cooked carcass and a large knife in a man’s hands that turns him into something out of the movie Braveheart.  Or maybe it’s just me; it’s probably just me. But no matter how chaotic and unruly your house may become when the in-laws invade for the holidays it’s best to remember the immortal words of one Clark W. Griswold, “The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin.”

Merry Christmas from The Man Cave!